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Valentines
Day is here again, representing Cupid’s matchmaking ability and
reminding those of us in a romantic partnership of the joy and ecstasy
of love.
Men
say that Valentines Day is the least favorite holiday for them.
They view it as a “Hallmark” day - a day where the outside world,
and the advertisers, tell them they are supposed to give gifts,
be romantic, make marriage proposals, and be extra attentive and
passionate. Men hate being told when and how to perform! A day does
not make a relationship, thus women would be wise to give their
men a break and lower their own expectations.
So,
let’s talk about REAL romance! - real romance between masculine
and feminine energies. Please do NOT confuse masculine energy for
“man” or feminine energy for “woman”. We all are made up of both
yin and yang and all of us have different percentages of each inside.
Thus, it’s easy to find a man who is full of doubts about himself,
fears the world around him, and gives of himself until he is drained;
as well as to find a woman who is extremely confident, business-focused,
and sexually aggressive.
 Let’s
take a look at our Yin/Yang energy style. Yin is the Chinese word
for feminine energy. The characteristics of feminine energy are
goodness, giving, compassion, external motivation, unselfishness,
more giving sexually. If there is trust, she surrenders herself
freely, filling up with love and attention, feeling and giving love,
and wanting to feel understood.
The
characteristics of male energy are strength (mental as well as physical
strength), achievement, success, internal motivation, self-confidence,
more aggressive sexually, strong sense of purpose, wanting to release
and let go, loving challenge, testing the edge, possession, outcome
driven, initiator, ravisher, want to feel appreciated.
Yin
and Yang are free-flowing concepts. They are only important in relation
to the other. When you look at the visual diagram for yin/yang energy,
it is always curvy, free flowing. And there is always a seed of
the opposite energy within the flowing energy block. Yin cannot
grow without yang, and Yang needs yin for its growth.
At
our core, what attracts us to the opposite sex? What do we LOVE
about each other’s physical bodies? Men will always say women’s
curves, they LOVE women’s curves, and women love the strength and
firmness ofmen’s bodies! As in heterosexual couples, gay and lesbian
couples also have the passion of the polarity of the masculine/feminine
energies because each person has a different yin/yang makeup.
We
find great attraction when the yin and yang energies oppose each
other. So a person who is 80% yin will be very attracted to another
person who is 80% yang. The greatest attraction comes from those
who have the greatest polarity between themselves. People who are
50/50 balanced yin and yang will be happiest with another person
who has a similar balance.
What
does polarity mean? It means differences, the opposite. One person
is more masculine at their core and the other is more feminine.
I
learned something amazing recently. You know how men, even older
men, always seem to be attracted to younger women? Well, it’s not
about the age or just the youthful look, but it’s more about the
free flowing feminine energy they exude. Most women when they reach
a certain age have been hurt and have built a wall around them so
that it is almost impossible for a man to enter. In fact, many women
have had to become single parents, raising children alone. That
means earning the money, paying bills, creating a stable home, making
all the decisions, etc. These single moms have taken on so much
masculine energy that their yin energy has become neutralized!
Men
who are attracted to that younger woman may in fact just be attracted
to the free flowing, surrendering energy that a younger woman has
to offer. That is what polarity is all about.
What
do I suggest? I suggest that if you are a woman who has built such
strong walls around yourself to start knocking them down. Taking
on being a masculine person to survive in the world today has done
a great disservice to the beautiful flow of feminine energy and
if women really want a relationship with a strong man, they have
to infiltrate their lives with more yin energy.
Another
negative outcome of this scenario is that women have become so strong
being both mother and father, homemaker and breadwinner, that it’s
hard to find men who are strong and capable of doing it all too.
And if a woman does not respect her man, there will never been the
kind of polarity that brings about ecstasy and the passion we all
desire. If you are a woman who is more masculine than you want to
be, start looking at women whose essences are more feminine. Use
all your senses when watching these women. One good way to change
is to find great role models and learn from them.
If
you are a man who has found himself to be emasculated by past relationships,
then what you need to do is find a strong male role model. What
about him attracts women? Become more decisive, grounded, and stable
in your values and convictions. Know your life goals and vision.
Women need to trust and respect the men they are with, so that they
in turn can relax and stop handling everything. I highly recommend
the book, The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida to learn
more about polarity and the flow of yin/yang energies.
Whether
you are in a relationship or not, the most important relationship
you will ever have is the one with YOU... and I hope you like the
company you keep. Often, we pursue happiness through the love of
another, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. But what
alwaysworks is loving YOU.
Take
this quiz to find out if you're Yin or Yang.
Lori
S. Rubenstein, JD, CPC is a Life and Relationship coach
working and playing near Sedona, Arizona
www.daretotranscend.com www.transcendingdivorce.com
lori@attorney-coach.com 928.634.0252
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