with Lori Rubenstein,
Life Coach and Divorce Mediator

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Lori's Newest Books

Conscious Relationships

Transcending Divorce Listen to Lori read an exerpt on "Forgiveness" from Chapter 9 - Heal Yourself, in her book, Transcending Divorce

Moving From Intention to the Creation of a "Conscious Relationship"

I hear single people say they are sick and tired of being alone and want a real relationship. What is a "real relationship" and why do you want one?

What are the benefits of having a real relationship? It's one thing to have the intention and desire to have one, but what does it mean for you? It is helpful to know the whys - the "meat and potatoes" of why a "real relationship" resonates with you. When we make intentions, we often forget that the motivation behind the energy of the intention is extremely important too.

I want to share an example about motivation from my own life. I have been saying for 1 1/2 years that I want to lose 20 pounds. I go to the gym regularly and often bypass ice cream, scones, cookies, and other tempting foods. However, I haven't lost any weight.

This week, for the first time, I stuck 100% to a diet where I forgo all flour products, sugar, rice and potatoes. I lost 2 1/2 pounds! I am thrilled with not only the outcome, but that I went through this process with newfound strength. As a result, I've gained some self-esteem and integrity. How did this happen?

I have a financial wealth manager friend who I met with to discuss my portfolio and where I want to be 10 years from now. With his assistance, I was able to paint a picture of what success looks like for me. The goal was to move me away from short-term thinking to long-term results. I was clear that I want the whole enchilada. I want to be out of the rat race and have investments working for me, a great healthy body, and a relationship where we love, adore, respect and support one another.

How does this relate to relationship creating? Well, I realized some important things. The most vital thing I learned was MY WHY. As a single mom, I am ultimately the only one my children can rely on. They feel very unsteady when I say "I can't afford that". The truth is that I too feel very unstable not having reached my goal, my comfort zone of at least 6 months liquid cash savings in case of an emergency.

What did I do? I took back control over my situation. First, I needed to clear out my mind, body and home. My body and home represents what is happening with my finances over the last year... and that feels chaotic. Second, the WHY is extremely important to me. I feel out of control when my finances are out of control and, being a Scorpio, well let me just say; control is an important aspect of my personality. (Yes, I do realize I have zero control and that when I tell God my plans, she laughs with me!)

When I set my intention to take back some control over my life this last week, I cleaned my office, cleaned my refrigerator, wrote a meal plan, and went grocery shopping with the meal plan. I even stuck to my diet! The results? I lost weight, I signed papers on a new rental house, I earned over $1,000 in one day, and I began to see and envision stepping into my future. I see myself leading group seminars, writing books, traveling and teaching. I really feel proud of myself, like the world is mine again.

What universal laws are being played out here? What comes around goes around? The Power of Intention? The Law of Attraction?

Clearing out the clutter leads to clarity. The clearance allows room in your life for your dreams and desires to enter. Once the clutter is cleared, your dreams have space to enter and you can welcome them in.

So, we are back to relationships - Your Relationship to be exact.

What clutter is standing in the way of your clarity?

How are you going to deal with it?

If you are single and want a relationship, get clear about why you want this relationship. Not just your intentions, not just visualizing it, but you have to have a good enough reason for wanting it! Something that makes you drool with desire.

Is a relationship really a TOP PRIORITY for you? Notice and write down what you spend your time and energy on. The things you spend most time on really are your top priorities. Is this life one of your choosing? If not, get clear about your new top priority and change your daily actions to move you forward in the direction of your choices.

When you get clear about a relationship being your top priority, all the excuses about not working on yourself will fade away. Suddenly, you will find plenty of time for that self-help book, money for classes or coaching, paying attention to your clothes, going out on a Friday night rather than vegetating at home, and you will find the courage to go up to talk to people you do not know. Remember, you need to become the person who will attract your dream mate, so start with yourself, set your intention, clear the clutter that has been in your way, know your WHY, take control, and direct your focus on your top priority, finding a conscious relationship.

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