with Lori Rubenstein,
Life Coach and Divorce Mediator

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Excerpt From Conscious Relationships
by Lori Rubenstein

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your Dream, for the adventure of being alive."

From The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

"I do want a great relationship and I keep hearing the terms 'spiritual or conscious partnership', what is that?"

There are 3 different levels of relationships. I hope you will think about seeking a level 3 relationship because what I know about you is that you are a person who is interested in self-growth and you deserve the best relationship you can have!

Level one is the "What can you do for me" relationship.
It is basically two fairly self-centered people seeking someone to fulfill their own needs. Often in these relationships, the grass is always greener and you find yourself asking, could I have done better?

Level two is the "Equal partnership" relationship.
You both feel that friendship is extremely important and you love and respect each other. You work as a team to support the family. While many people are happy and satisfied in these relationships, passion typically disappears and the couple live more as business partners who "need" each other.

Level three is the "I love myself and I'm thrilled to have you in my life" relationship.
You find yourself asking the question, "What can I do for you" more often than any other question. Your ultimate desire is to meet your partner's needs. These people experience polarity with each other, trust and respect each other, and have similar wants and desires. Passion is captivated throughout the relationship.

Now that you are clear about what a conscious relationship is, write down what it would look like for you:

Gary Zukov, in his book Soul Stories, talks about the old male and female stereotypes versus new males and new female stereotypes. In conscious dating, we are talking about the new male and females getting together. Because you made it this far in through the book, I must assume you fit into the category of a new male or female, so I am addressing you right now. Zukov says "The new female and the new male want to look at their deepest fears. They like to find out what makes them angry or frightened. They want to heal all the parts of themselves that are not healthy - like the parts that do not care about other people, and the parts that do not like themselves. They look for ways that they try to control other people, or be controlled by other people. They also look for parts of themselves that feel victimized, and are resentful... the new female and the new male are partners on a journey of spiritual growth. They want to make the journey. Their love and trust keep them together. Their intuition guides them. They consult with each other. They are friends. They laugh a lot. They are equals. That is what a spiritual partnership is - a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth."

Is this what you are interested in?

A level 3 relationship combines what Gary Zukov describes as a conscious relationship and David Deida's writing about polarity. What does polarity mean? It means polar opposites or differences. One party is more masculine and the other is more feminine. We know that we all have both traits, however, there is greater passion when the polarity is greatest. Typical masculine traits are: Wanting to release and let go, loving challenge, testing the edge, possession, outcome driven, initiator, ravisher, and wanting to feel appreciated. Typical feminine traits are: if there is trust, she surrenders herself freely, wanting and filling up with love and attention, feeling and giving love, wanting to be heard and to feel understood.

I learned something amazing recently. You know how older men always seem to be attracted to younger women? Well, it's not about the age, but about the free flowing feminine energy they exude. Most women when they reach a certain age, have been hurt and have built a wall around themselves so that it is almost impossible for a man to enter. In fact, many women have had to become single parents, raising children alone. That means earning the money, paying bills, creating a stable home, making all the decisions, etc. These single moms are exhausted and have become such a mixture of woman and man that their polarity has become neutralized! Men who are attracted to that younger woman may in fact just be attracted to the free flowing, surrendering energy that a younger woman has to offer. That is what polarity is all about.

What do I suggest? I suggest for women who have built such strong walls around themselves to start knocking them down and I believe you have already done that through many of the exercises in this book! If you are a woman who has found herself to be more masculine than you want to be, start looking at women whose essences you know are more feminine. Use all your senses when watching these women. One good way to change is to find great role models and learn from them.

If you are a man who has found himself emasculated by past relationships, then you need to become more decisive, grounded and stable. Women need to trust and respect the men they are with, so that they in turn can release control, relax, trust that you can and will handle things in a supportive and responsible manner. Only then can they stop "handling" everything. It may help you to find a strong male role-model. What about him attracts women?

Who is a role model for you in this realm? What can you do to bring more polarity in your life?

Get your copy of Conscious Relationships now!