with Lori Rubenstein,
Life Coach and Divorce Mediator

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Does Age Matter?

I'm a 36 year old woman, divorced 5 years, with no children. I met a man who is 57 years old. He has three older children, all who are married, successful and with families of their own. We've been dating for three months.

We haven't been intimate yet because we both agreed we want to build a solid relationship together. We really enjoy the time we share, which is balanced with activities, talking, and meeting each other's friends and family. It almost seems like a dream come true. It's really important to us that we invest in each other before we take another step forward. We have talked, but not in detail, about getting married. It is something that we both want very much and we plan to explore it further.

My concern is our 20 year age difference. I would like your thoughts on how that might affect our relationship. Some of my friends think he's too old for me, others think I like him because he's well off (I'm well off too, I own a recruiting company which is very successful), while others say I'll get stuck taking care of him during the best years of my life. I don't like all of this negative feedback, but I would like to be more clear on this matter. Does age matter when you're in love?

Cheryl in Connecticut

Dear Cheryl in Connecticut,

Congratulations on finding a great man and family to become a part of. Sometimes dreams do come true; don't let the naysayers get to you. If you feel he is the right one for you, then he is. There are times when age is important, like if you want to have children, but I didn't get that was an issue for you.

First of all, 57 is not ancient; especially if he is in good health. It is true that he will age quite a bit faster than you. Imagine you at 50 and him at 70. Does that picture bother you? You could marry a 40 year old who could have an accident, serious illness, heart attack, and be crippled the rest of his life. I am hearing that your heart is saying, this is the one, and yet, your head is questioning (probably also as a result of your friends who obviously care about you, but may not have the whole picture). Keep dating, get intimate, maybe even explore living together before making a "life-time decision". If you do trust your instincts about this man, and are sure you are not being naïve, then go for it Cheryl and enjoy.

Coach Lori